I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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