What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
