I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
