Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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