I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
