i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
