They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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