remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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