I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
