Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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