she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
