i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
