i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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