ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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