I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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