He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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