Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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