i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
