and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
