Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
