I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
