anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
