Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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