I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
