i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
