If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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