I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
