tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
