woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
