I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
