I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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