Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
