we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
