Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
