you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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