Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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