i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
