Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
