i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
