Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
