How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
