I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Houston, we have a blender
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
