dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
