All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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