Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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