i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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