Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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