i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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