don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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