I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
