If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She said her name was "party"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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