Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
