Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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