maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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