guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
