im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
