Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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