I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
