She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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