so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
