...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
