My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
