If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
