oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
