So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
