I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
