TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
