Non-Jews are for practice
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
