I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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