I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and she was petting her beer can
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
