How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
