Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
