just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
