We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
