...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
