Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
