so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
