She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
